Define what your “case” is against this person
Much like lawyers, we develop a case by accumulating evidence and find others who validate our points. “What we sometimes fail to realise is that our own case building keeps the challenging dynamics in play and keeps us struggling,” explains Meredith Haberfeld, co-founder of the Institute for Coaching. To start to shift the dynamics, consider:
- When did you start making a case against this person?
- What’s your evidence? Make a list about what you don’t like about them and all the evidence that you have collected.
- Why do you feel justified in making them wrong?
Separate the hard facts versus your interpretation
When we combine facts with our interpretations, it yields a jumbled reality.
“Since August, Jane responds to my voice messages with emails and rather than calling me back.”
“Jane avoids talking to me””It takes separating our interpretations, no matter how many people we find who agree with our interpretations, from the facts and data to begin to shake the dynamics loose,” explains Haberfeld.